Sexting - how to get your partner really excited about your date

Sexting is on everyone's lips. With the smartphone, classic phone sex has been supplemented in many relationships by the writing of erotic messages. Sexting means more than just sending naked pictures: It's playful dirty talk via text, voice message or picture, designed to arouse desire, curiosity and anticipation for the real thing - between two consensual partners of legal age.

In this sexting guide, you'll find out how to turn your partner on step by step without crossing any boundaries, how to put your fantasies into words and what you should pay attention to when it comes to data protection, consent and mutual trust.

Three different ways of communicating about sexting

When sexting, you can use three levels to communicate with your partner and get them hot for you: Text, voice and pictures. You don't have to use everything at once - what's important is what suits you, your relationship and your everyday life.

1. Classic sexting text messages

Text messages are the basis of every sexting conversation. You can send them via messenger, text message or chat and build up an erotic fantasy step by step. The advantage: texts can be read and replied to discreetly, even when other people are nearby.

Short messages that arouse curiosity ("I can't stop thinking about last night ...") are an ideal way to start. With each subsequent message, you can get a little more specific and slowly move on to more explicit dirty talk - as long as the other person is positively involved.

2. Sexting voice messages

The second variant of sexting is voice messages. Your voice, your laughter, a whispered word - all of these often have a more intimate effect than text alone. Your partner immediately hears how much you are in the mood and can empathize with you even better.

The disadvantage: voice messages are usually only available in a discreet environment. If your partner is at home, this can be extremely exciting. If they are in public or at work, it can be awkward. Ask beforehand whether it's a good time for a hot voice message.

3. Sexting pictures and clips

The third option for sexting is pictures or short clips. They can increase arousal enormously because they combine fantasy and reality. It doesn't have to be a completely naked picture - a detail, a shadow, a look over the shoulder often have a much more erotic effect.

Important: Only send intimate pictures to people you trust and only with explicit mutual consent. You always decide for yourself which parts of your body you want to show. If you have any doubts, it's perfectly fine to deliberately avoid pictures when sexting and concentrate on words.

Increase the intensity of sexting

Sexting is basically a modern form of phone sex - just via Messenger. However, it's not necessarily about both of you having an orgasm straight away, but about building up excitement and anticipation for your next date. Your messages can therefore function like a short erotic novel series: each chapter a little more intense than the previous one.

Start with hints, slowly increase the intensity and carefully test how the other person reacts. If they like your messages, the answers will be longer, more imaginative or more explicit - a good sign that you can go further.

Tips for your sexting kick-off

You can simply start sexting with an introductory sentence, for example:

"I'm just imagining your hands slowly moving over my body."

This sends a clear message: I desire you and think about you. Further messages along these lines can further fuel your partner's mental cinema. You are gently introducing him to your fantasy and laying the foundation for more intense dirty talk.

Sexting examples: From flirting to dirty talk

Sexting examples to get you started

Increase the tension in several stages. For example, you could say:

"Imagine what I'm wearing right now. It clings to my body and shows you everything."

Or:

"I'm lying in bed and dreaming of you. My hands are wandering over my body and I imagine they are yours."

Also a message like:

"I'm so hot for you, I've had to do it to myself twice today."

can show very clearly how much your sexting partner cares about you. At this point at the latest, they usually get into the game and respond with their own fantasies.

Dirty talk examples when sexting

If you both feel comfortable, the messages can become more explicit. For example, you can write:

"I want to feel you inside me now."

Or in an even more direct form of dirty talk:

"I want to feel your best piece pulsating between my lips right now."
"I'm imagining you fucking me really hard during sex right now."
"When I see you, I'm going to sit on your face during sex!"

Sentences like this clearly show how much you desire the other person. They boost their ego and often get your own arousal going too. If you feel unsure about direct dirty talk, you can get additional inspiration in the guide Dirty Talking - how to get hot.

Sexting erotic tips & questions to lure him out of his shell

Instead of just sending statements, you can also actively involve your partner in sexting by asking questions. This will give you a better sense of where his fantasies are heading.

Examples:

"Do you know how wet I get when I think about you?"

"How would you react if I stood naked in front of you right now?"

Questions arouse curiosity and invite longer answers. At the same time, you can gradually feel out boundaries - for example, whether he finds certain practices exciting or prefers to stick to more tender fantasies.

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When sexting, make sure you also respond to his messages: Respond to his fantasies, ask counter-questions, describe how his words turn you on. This creates a real dialog instead of two one-sided monologues.

You'll be amazed at the effect dirty talk via text message can have. When you finally see each other, the pent-up tension is often released in a particularly intense real-life encounter - regardless of whether you are more romantic or wild with each other.

Safety, consent & data protection when sexting

As erotic as sexting is, it always comes with a few risks. So that you can enjoy your fantasies without worrying, you should follow a few basic rules:

• Only between adults: Sexting is only for people of legal age. Minors must not be involved - not even in fantasies or as visual material.
• Consensual: No one is obliged to send intimate pictures or explicit texts. There is no place for pressure or blackmail in sexting.
• No sharing: Intimate photos, videos or messages must not be forwarded or published without consent. This is not only disrespectful, but also punishable by law depending on the country.
• Data protection: Use the most secure messengers possible, protect your cell phone with a code or Face ID and consider whether you want to show your face in nude photos or not.

If you notice that sexting is stressful, overwhelming or arouses unpleasant feelings, this is a sign to slow down or change the game. Open communication, as recommended in guides on topics such as committed relationships or casual dating, will help you find the right balance.

Tips for all levels - sexting step by step

Depending on how familiar you are with sexting, different priorities may be important. These levels will help you find your way.

Level 1 - playful hints

• Start with flirty messages, compliments and light hints ("I can't wait to see you again ...").
• Avoid naked pictures and very explicit dirty talk for the time being until it's clear that you both feel comfortable with it.
• On occasion, talk briefly about whether you would like to expand sexting - just as you openly discuss other sexual desires.

Level 2 - conscious sexting with a story

• You build up little stories: What would you do if we were alone right now? What would our next date be like?
• You experiment with voice messages and perhaps first, more covert pictures.
• You explicitly clarify what should happen with the messages (do not forward, do not save, etc.).

Level 3 - erotic ritual as a couple

• Sexting becomes an integral part of your relationship - perhaps fixed "sexting evenings" or hot messages before a planned date.
• You incorporate your preferences, e.g. bondage, role-playing games or certain positions that you are already looking forward to reading about.
• After intense periods of sexting, you consciously plan time offline together to enjoy all the things you've longed for in peace and with lots of physical contact.

Conclusion: Sexting as a fun extension of your relationship

Sexting is much more than just a quick exchange of nude pictures. It can be a sensual extension of your relationship that connects you in everyday life, builds up tension and lets you look at your cell phone with a smile. If you pay attention to consensuality, safety and mutual respect, dirty talk via text message becomes a powerful tool to increase your desire and deepen your relationship.

In the end, it's not how explicit your messages are, but how honestly they show your desire and how much you feel seen as people. Then every written word becomes a small promise of what can happen between you on your next date.