BDSM terms at a glance

BDSM has its very own language - full of terms, abbreviations and symbols that often seem puzzling to outsiders. This glossary will help you understand the most important BDSM terms, categorize them and fill them with life. This will enable you to move more confidently in the scene, better name your desires and explore the world of dominance, devotion, pain and pleasure even more consciously.

All terms are explained in such a way that both curious beginners and experienced kinksters can relate to them. The focus is always on respect, consent, safety and trust.

Sadomaso

The term sadomaso is mainly used by the media and is rather rare in the BDSM scene. This is partly because it is often associated with clichés and negative images, and partly because sadism and masochism are only part of BDSM.

Those who want to express themselves more precisely therefore usually speak of BDSM or sadomasochism. The abbreviation SM is also widespread in the scene and is used as an abbreviation for the sadomasochistic area.

SSC and RACK

Two important abbreviations have become established in the BDSM scene that stand for safe and responsible behavior:

• SSC - "safe, sane & consensual": safe, sensible and consensual
• RACK - "risk-aware consensual kink": risk-conscious, consensual kink

Both concepts make it clear how important it is that everyone involved knows what they are doing, understands the risks and consciously agrees to play together. BDSM is not a loss of control into a bottomless pit, but a conscious decision for intense but responsible spaces of experience.

Only when voluntariness, self-determination and trust are present can we speak of a real BDSM session - and not of violence.

Top, Dom, Dominant, Domme

All of these terms describe the active, leading part in a BDSM session or relationship.

• Top literally means "on top" - the active part in the game.
• Dom is a short form of "Dominus", Latin for "master".
• Dominant generally describes the person who leads, decides and is responsible for the framework of the game.
• Domme / Dommse are common terms for female dominant persons in the scene.

The term dominatrix, on the other hand, is rarely used in the BDSM context - more on this in a moment.

Dominatrix

The term dominatrix originates less from the BDSM scene itself, but mainly from the media and the red-light district. The term dominatrix is generally used to describe women from the professional, commercial sector who offer SM services for a fee.

Whether these women themselves have real BDSM inclinations or see their activity more as a service varies greatly from person to person. In the private scene, female dominants are therefore usually referred to as domme or mistress.

Switcher

Switchers are people who can feel pleasure in both dominant and submissive or active and passive roles. They enjoy changing positions - depending on their partner, mood or setting.

While some BDSMers are clearly defined (e.g. permanently sub or dom), switchers draw pleasure, power and devotion from both sides of the game.

Vanilla

Vanilla is an affectionately ironic term from the BDSM scene for people or sexuality without BDSM, fetish or pronounced kinks. The term is humorously based on surveys according to which vanilla is the most popular ice cream flavor - in other words, "the normal".

Vanilla sex is nothing bad or boring - it simply describes classic, widespread sexuality without bondage, spanking etc. In the scene, people who have nothing to do with BDSM are sometimes referred to as "vanillas" with a wink.

Fetish

Put simply, a fetish is the transfer of sexual desire to a specific object, material or body part. The number of possible fetishes is practically infinite.

Shoe or foot fetishes, for example, are particularly well known, but latex, leather, nylons, rubber gloves or certain smells can also be fetishized. The BDSM scene is a safe space for many fetishists: individual preferences can be openly, respectfully and creatively incorporated into sessions here.

Kink

Kink is an English term for a person's sexual preferences - especially those that deviate from the social norm. A kink can include, for example, bondage, spanking, clinic games or role play, without necessarily being a full-blown fetish.

Example: Someone may find it arousing to be tied up (kink) without developing a fetish for ropes or handcuffs. Kink and fetish often complement each other wonderfully - for example when a rubber glove fetish is combined with a kink for clinic games.

CBT

CBT stands for Cock & Ball Torture. The focus here is on targeted, consensual pain and stimulation of the penis and testicles. Many submissive men find this intensity, when used in a controlled and responsible manner, extremely arousing.

Important: CBT is only for experienced, very well-informed players, as the genitals are sensitive and injury-prone areas of the body. A slow introduction, comprehensive knowledge of anatomy, safety rules and clear agreements are mandatory.

Coming Out

The term coming out is known from the queer scene and describes two central steps that can be easily transferred to BDSM:

• Inner coming out: discovering, reflecting on and accepting your own inclinations.
• External coming out: telling other people (partner, circle of friends, possibly family) about your own BDSM inclinations.

While coming out internally is relatively easy for many BDSM practitioners, public disclosure can be more difficult. BDSM is not yet socially accepted everywhere, and there is sometimes a fear of social or professional disadvantages. Many therefore choose very carefully who they confide in.

Bondage

Bondage is much more than "just tying up". It describes the artful tying up of the passive partner with ropes, straps or other restraining devices to restrict freedom of movement and intensify devotion.

In classic Japanese Shibari or Kinbaku, this often results in real works of art made from knots and ropes. A bondage session can last for hours and range from a gentle hold to complex suspensions (hanging restraints) - always depending on skill, experience and safety knowledge.

Spanking

Spanking comes from "to spank" - to spank someone. In the BDSM context, spanking refers to the targeted hitting of buttocks, thighs or other parts of the body, usually with the hand or special toys.

It ranges from playful, slapping blows to intense, painful blows with paddles, brushes, crops or whips. Many subs not only experience physical stimulation during spanking, but also an intense emotional component - from shame to letting go to deep trust.

Spanking can also be very fulfilling for tops, as they see, hear and feel the sub's reactions immediately.

Ring of O

The Ring of O is a well-known symbol in the BDSM scene and goes back to the novel "Story of O" by Pauline Réage. Originally it was a ring with a small eyelet through which a rope or hook could be passed.

Today, the symbol is often worn in a modified form: a ring with a small eyelet, a ring on a ring or a piercing can serve as a discreet sign of BDSM inclination. The way it is worn on the hand is also interesting: tops often wear their ring on the left, subs on the right - a silent code among insiders.

Play, session, play

Game, session or play basically mean the same thing: a time-limited BDSM encounter in which a specific setting, role play or fantasy is played out together.

For the duration of the session, the balance of power is deliberately altered. Afterwards, the participants return to their "normal" everyday role. This clear separation helps to categorize the experience and to deal safely with intense feelings and dynamics.

Safeword

The safeword or stop word is a central safety measure in BDSM. In many role and pain scenarios, begging, pleading and "please stop" are part of the game - how is the top supposed to recognize when it's really too much?

A previously agreed safeword is the clear boundary between play and seriousness: if it is used, the top must stop immediately or at least check the situation.

The word "Mayday", for example, is used internationally. It is easy to remember, hardly ever occurs in normal dirty talk and is therefore not used inadvertently. Important: The safeword must be easy to remember, especially in stressful situations.

Slowwords

In addition to the safeword, there are also so-called slow words that the sub can use to control the intensity without stopping the entire session. The traffic light system is popular:

• Green: all good, preferably more intense.
• Orange/yellow: close to the limit, slow down or lighten up.
• Red: limit exceeded, pause or stop immediately.

This allows the sub to actively protect their body and help shape the game without falling out of the setting, despite being submissive in the role. The better the partners know each other, the more subtle the non-verbal signals usually become; however, a safeword is always a good safeguard.

This glossary can only give you an introduction - but it should help you to better understand BDSM, recognize your own desires and find a common language with your partners. What you make of it is your own personal, consensual journey.